I haven’t really talked about it in a while. So some of you might have been under the impression that it had gone away. “Oh, he was miragically cured.” But nope, I just haven’t been talking about it, but there is one aspect that I felt like writing about.
Most of the time I don’t even think about having diabetes. I test my blood sugar. I take insulin after I eat. I change my pump stuff. It has become “normal”. But then sometimes I will be walking down the hall, and I’ll look down at my insulin pump, and just not even believe that all of this is my life. It doesn’t seem like this should be me. It isn’t real.
I don’t know if that will ever change. I don’t know if it’ll ever be real. I guess I would have thought that after a year and a half it would have sunk in that I have this disease, but I don’t. And that is really weird.
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For now you are coping and doing it well – but hold fast to the idea that modern medicine WILL come up with a cure. If I have to walk a mile again, I will.
You will have a lot of those “Wow, I can’t believe this is my life” moments. Sometimes you will live in spite of them, other times you will live because of them. In any case, I imagine watching people stuff themselves sick with crappy food this time of year isn’t a fun reminder. But at least you are dealing with it (unlike my father who likes to think he is ignoring it).
I worry about your dad. A LOT.
me too. We’ve had several of “the talks,” the last of which I said I will not contribute to your death (by giving him candy for presents, or making him cookies, or buying him food, soda, etc.) but I refuse to be a codependant babysitter. I’ve already tried cooking healthy meals for him etc. He of course goes on about falling apart and old age and feeling worthless. And to that I told him basically “You have Christy and your girls and two grandchildren that adore the ground you walk on. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for us. Besides you dying would really screw up my life.” And he was still drinking regular coke and eating chocolate like it was his last day on Earth. *shrug*
I, too, worry about your Dad. Include Jerry and all the Halleys in those who love him. I know how very hard it is, and I have very little willpower. There are a few tricks that help – Omega 3 fish oil tablets and Capzasin-P roll-on rolled over the veins in the hand, but mainly it is not eating the things we love.
that comment was for ange. Your dad is a miracle of self-restraint about eating.