Smackie the Frog

For various reasons, I’ve been spending a lot more time alone lately than I’m used to. That is, unless you count the 2 cats and 1 dog that are constantly fighting for my attention when they aren’t off doing who knows what. As an aside, it does worry me when Snowy or Audrey will disappear for several hours and come back. Are they building some super weapon? Digging a hole to escape?

Anyway, so yeah, I spend some time alone. The biggest chunk of the day where I’m alone is at work, which I admit, at first seems like a really strange concept. There are like 50 or 60 people in my department. Even if you just count my little group, there are around 8 of us. But that having been said, we’re all in our own little offices, completely isolated from each other. If you want to have a conversation then you have to make a point to travel to someone else’s office and then it is all weird. There are no spur of the moment interactions, really.

This is a huge contrast to the way things were in my earlier jobs. When I worked for PCSS I was constantly talking to people and dealing with people all over the campus. I was on the phone all the time, or at people’s desks, or working with other people in PCSS. It was natural that you’d spend most of your day in interactions with people. Then at ExternalIT in New York, we were all in the same office. I couldn’t turn around without seeing 3 or 4 people. And on top of that, I was glued to the phone pretty much all day, helping people with their problems. Even when I went back to Wash U, there was more interaction than I get here. We had cubicles, which helped foster better communication, and Sid was always right there. If I just rolled my chair over about a foot and swung around, I could talk about pretty much anything in the world.

So I really miss that. I spend most of the day alone with my thoughts. And that isn’t a terribly bad thing, but it does get old when you realize that it is an hour away from the weekend and you’ve spent a grand total of 10 minutes talking with your co-workers all week.

Home isn’t really much better, right now. I haven’t posted anything, because I don’t want to really get into it, but Kelly and I are taking a break while she figures some stuff out. And so instead of coming home to her, I come home to the TV, and housework that needs to be done, and the aforementioned animals. Now again, this being alone isn’t a bad thing. I’ve had time to take care of things that I have wanted to do. And I can watch whatever I want on TV. But still, I really miss her, and it is especially hard to come home to no one after spending a day with no one.

I guess the final cherry on this sundae of fun is the fact that Phil is leaving in early August. So he’s just going to be gone. There will be no more going over to Mom and Dad’s house and bothering him just for the hell of it. And that really sucks, because bothering Phil just for the hell of it is one of my favorite things.

I really didn’t want this to sound nearly as mopey as it is. I’ve spent a lot of time with my family, so it isn’t like I’m constantly alone. And I talk to people online and email every once in a while. Sometimes people call me on the phone. And I’ve learned a lot about how strange a place my brain is. So yeah, overall, not horrible. Just… mediocrely bad. And I know that isn’t a word.