I don’t normally write about sports on here, because in all honesty, I’m not that big of a sports fan. Sure, I follow NASCAR, although not as avidly as I once did. I follow baseball with a passing interest, meaning I check the scores sometimes, but I haven’t seen a game in its entirety all season. I’ll watch tennis, but only the last rounds of the majors. And sure, there was the Olympics, but that was more about “The Olympics” than the sports. Oh, and college soccer. But that’s it.
Still, I felt obligated yesterday to watch the Rams season opener. And here is what I’ve concluded. I need to try out for the team. Because they were so bad, so unwatchably terrible, that I could not possibly do worse.
I’m not sure what position I will play. I’d like to play something where I don’t get hit a lot. Free safety? I don’t really want to do any tackling either, but that doesn’t seem to be a requirement to play defense, so that sounds like a good one. Or cornerback. I’m not terribly fast, and I can’t really jump, but who cares? I can put on a jersey and collect a paycheck.
If the Rams don’t decide to take me up on this offer, though, I think that I can probably find something better to do on my Sunday afternoons. Like taking all of the construction debris from my garage to a landfill, one piece at a time, carrying the boards with rusted nails over my shoulder.
4 Comments
You are nimble.
I can’t believe I am paying the outrageous price for NFL Sunday Ticket to watch this crap.
I mean, seriously, there is no team in the NFL that is even close to be as hopeless as the Rams. I honest to God believe that they are trying to suck badly enough to kill the St. Louis fan base, so the new owners can easily make a case to sell the team to a group that wants to move the team back to L.A. They will make more money, and they can play the “fan base didn’t support us” card. It’s so damn frustrating. Just get rid of them and give us an expansion team for God’s sake.
Just noting that upon further reading, I invoked the name of “god” twice in that last post. See what you make me do, Rams? You take a normal atheist dude and make him religious, because he is absolutely sure after watching the last game that there is, in fact, a hell.
I always thought hell might be full of fun stuff like sin and debauchery. Maybe I should start going to church.