Smackie the Frog

3:20 – Sunday morning.

I woke up.

Puking.

Nerves.

Panic attack.

As bad as I had had in a long time. I was terrified to go out there and have to compete. And I had no practice time on the floor. And everyone the day before had told me how they all slipped. And slipping was my biggest fear. It had been for months.

I tossed and turned for a few hours, but didn’t get any real sleep. So around 6:00 I got up, got ready as best I could, packed, met up with the rest of the team, and headed to the rink.

I was a mess.

I got dressed and put on my skates. The nerves built up, but it also felt good to get my skates on. At least a little bit of a familiar feeling. I thought I had about 40 minutes to relax and get ready. They called my name in about 20.

So I went out onto the practice figure circle. I was shaking, but my coach Sherri was there, and my other coach Keith was on the side, and the rest of the team was standing there for support.

I started warming up. And I was shaking. Bad. No food in me. Dehydrated. Terrified. But the practice went okay. I didn’t do terribly. I didn’t do great. But I made it around. I stayed on my skates.

And then they called my number. So I went to the referee, and he told me what I had to do, and wished me luck. And I skated out to the circle. Three judges were waiting for me. And I started. And they followed me, staring at my feet. And my leg was shaking. And my arms were shaking. But I guess my practice took over, and I made it around. One down, two to go.

So after I was done I went over to Sherri, and she told me that I had done well, Keith told me to just improve on the next two. But the next one was the figure that I was dreading. The figure I was most afraid of slipping on. And it was onto the practice circle to try it out. And I slipped. And then I slipped again. And then I started, but I slipped halfway through. And on top of that, my form was completely thrown off. I couldn’t concentrate because of the slips.

Sherri saved the day. She had powder for my wheels. It made them grippier.

And it was back to the referee, and back to the judges. I started the figure. I didn’t slip. Downhill from here, I thought. Nail this, and you’re home free.

And I made it through as best I could, considering the circumstances. One more to go.

Back to the practice circle. And I warmed up, and then went again. The last one was a little too fast. Not my best. But I finished. I did it. I made it through, and gave Sherri a hug.

It was time to wait. An hour until the results were announced.

I just sat there, nervously waiting. I was glad it was done, but I really wanted to do well. Four of us competed in my event. I wanted to come in third. To at least beat someone. But I have only been skating seriously for about 7 months. There were guys in my event who have been doing this over a decade. So I was scared.

Courtney (another team member) told me she thought I did well. But mostly people didn’t say much. Superstition, maybe.

And then it was awards time. So I waited while they announced all the other awards. I stood there thinking “Third would be good. Second would be really nice. And I know it will never happen, but how cool would it be to hear my name called first?”

“And now the results of Novice B Mens Figures. In first place, skater #117, Nathan Halley.”

Flabbergasted. I didn’t know what to do. My eyes definitely got a little watery. I skated out, got my medal, and gave Pat (another skater from the team who was helping people up to the podium at the time) a big hug, and got up on the podium. With a big dumb smile on my face.

The rest of the day wasn’t quite as great, but I did my best, and came away with something that I’m really proud of.

As a sort of epilogue, in writing this I realized how… lets say “emotional” I came across. And I have seen figure skaters on TV and seen them cry and stuff and go to their coaches afterwards. And I always thought it was a little… fruity. Not fruity=gay. Fruity=fruity. You know. But then I got out there and did it, and for some reason, it is a really emotional, and emotionally trying sport. So I totally understand. After you’re done, you totally want a hug from your coach and to just sit and not think about anything for a while. I get it.