It seems that the whole purpose of a movie is that you don’t know how it ends. In fact, most times, you don’t really know the middle bit or the start either. Because if you did, then why would you waste your time and money seeing the movie. But what if you are the kind of person who gets horribly, horribly anxious about the unknown, even the fictional unknown? Well then not knowing how something is going to end is a terrible thing.

So what does a person who suffers from that do? Well, if they are like me, they look up the plot of the movie before they see it. But here is the thing about that. It sort of ruins the whole movie experience. Because a big part of seeing a movie is seeing how the plot unfolds. If you already know how it unfolds, then it is just kind of a big waste of time.

This leaves me in quite the predicament. If I don’t look up the plot, then I’m going to be nervous and freaking out the whole movie. If I do look up the plot, I’m going to be bored and not care. So what do I do? Well, in most cases, I just avoid movies all together. But that is kind of boring, really.

And just for the record, I feel the same way about TV shows. But since they are shorter than movies, I can usually tough it out. But I still end up looking up the plots to the show that I’m about to watch a fair amount of the time.

So being good American’s, after a morning of riding horses (ow), and an afternoon of Thai food and naps, Kelly and I headed out to Dad’s work to shoot off fireworks. His work is in the middle of nowhere, so it is actually legal to shoot them there. And to top this off, I had the best idea. Why not bring the dogs? So we did.

Anyway, we got out there and surveyed what had been purchased, and I quickly became disheartened. What was up with all of this piddly shit? Mom and Dad and Abby had purchased sensible, small fireworks. Some roman candles, some fountains, and a few bottle rocket type things. This isn’t what I wanted. I wanted something big. One of those crazy fireworks that looks like it could put a small satellite into orbit. So Kelly and I headed back to the firework stand, and made the best purchase of my life.

It was sitting there, on the top shelf, and I knew from the moment that I saw it that it would be ours. It was called the “Dixie Celebration”, and had a big Confederate Flag on it, and was so ridiculous that it was perfect. Sure, there were bigger ones. Hell, you can get ridiculous ones for hundreds of dollars. But this one was $25, which was just about what I wanted to spend. Plus, with the purchase of the Dixie Celebration, you get a bunch of other stuff free.

So skip to the end of the night, and it was time to fire off the ol’ Dixie. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. It was like a scaled down version of the fireworks that you see if you go downtown. Except since it is right over your head, it is way more impressive. I’m already looking forward to next year, and the next ridiculous thing I can buy.

Anyway, I can totally recommend spending a little extra and getting the crazy looking fireworks. Everyone will be impressed. Unless you live in the middle of the city and it is 1:00 in the morning and I’m trying to sleep.

Oh, and the dogs were terrified and hated the whole experience.

Well it turned out to not be “bad”. But it definitely turned out to be really weird. First off, apparently the name of this group of wannabe skaters is the “Rollercadettes”. I guess that means I’m a Rollercadette now. It makes sense though, because the group is made up of me and Kelly, a 65 year old man, and then about 10 girls aged 8-13. That didn’t make it awkward at all.

Then there is the teacher. He is a really fancy guy. I think he is trying to relive his days of of roller skating excellence through us. Which brings up another point. He’s trying to teach us how to be really fancy. Like, proper leg technique and transferring our weight all dancily. And I really just want to skate around in a circle. But that’s okay. I don’t mind learning how to be all pretty.

So overall, I had a pretty good time. It was quite different to skate on roller skates as opposed to inline skates. The skates feel much more “stable” in a way that was unexpected. It really felt like they wanted to just keep going straight, making turning a lot more difficult. But a large portion of my skills transferred, and I was at least able to go pretty fast.

But then, after skating, the weirdest thing happened. There is free skate after the lesson, and the crowd that showed up was… let’s say “interesting”. It was mostly these strange middle aged guys who showed up to join the rollercadettes. I’m talking super creepy. And yet very very good at skating. Scarily good at skating.

And as we were leaving I sat down to take my skates off, and one of them sat down next to me, randomly and out of nowhere, showed me a rubix cube, and said “Do you remember these?” Then he spent the next 5 minutes telling me all about solving a rubix cube. It was so weird, and so awkward. I still don’t really understand what happened, but I’m scared to go back because I’m pretty sure he’s going to be there, and I don’t ever want to go through something like that again.

Oh Kelly… The things you sucker me into…