When two people are at one
in their inmost hearts,
they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze.
And when two people understand each other
in their inmost hearts,
their words are sweet and strong,
like the fragrance of orchids.

--from the I Ching

Welcome – thank you for joining us today to celebrate the marriage of Phil and Helen.

When I was asked to perform this ceremony, I was obviously very honored, but also nervous. I was, and still am, unsure how much of my own personal story to include. But I decided that when you ask the best man, who happens to be your brother, who happens to be me, to conduct the ceremony, you have to realize you’re going to get a little of personal stuff thrown in there.

It is cliché, I know, but I have been lucky enough to know Phil for his entire life. He has been my best friend for 24 years, and I’ve gotten to watch him grow up, and grow up with him at the same time. I must admit it is a little strange to be presiding over this, when the last time I presided over something with Phil was probably a game of Dungeons and Dragons on some family road trip years ago. And I certainly never imagined, back when we were suiting up to play hockey in the street in front of our house, that one day we would be suiting up and I would be marrying him off.

While we are certainly very different in many ways, there is no one in the world I am more comfortable with, or feel more at home with, or enjoy my time with more than Phil. We don’t always get along. We don’t always agree. And often he doesn’t even laugh at my jokes. He probably just doesn’t get them. But I also know that he will always be my brother, and always be there for me, and I can always count on him for just about anything I need.

I also get to see sides of him that not everyone gets to. All of you know how smart he is, and how successful he is. I’m one of the lucky ones that has gotten to see how funny he is, and how caring he is, and how loving he is.

Now, as happy as we all are today, I would be remiss to not mention a touch of sadness that invariably goes with an occasion like today. In joining Phil and Helen into a new family, those of us close to them are giving up a little bit of them. Personally, I feel like in a way, I am transferring my duties as watcher and caretaker to Helen. As his older brother I’ve always felt a responsibility to take care of Phil, even though he has really never needed it from me. But in my own way I’ve always been watching out for him, and been there for him if he ever needed anything. Luckily for me, I can think of no one better suited to take over for me than Helen.

While I haven’t known Helen for as long as I have Phil, over the years I’ve grown pretty close to her. She may not remember it, but back in high school there were several nights where we talked on the computer and she helped me with some girl problem of some sort, I’m sure. I’m glad that years later, I am able to repay the favor in some small amount with some of my words today.

I’m even more glad that Helen is joining our family today. She brings joy and cheerfulness is easy to lose, and that the naturally sarcastic Halleys can be lacking at times. And more importantly, she cares and is responsible for Phil so much that I’m completely comfortable sending my brother off with her. I have seen first hand her devotion to making sure he is taken care of, and that’s what matters most to me.

But Helen is also a lot of fun. You know that when you spend time with Helen, before the end of the day you’re probably going to have played a game, gone on a random adventure to some place you haven’t heard of but ends up being awesome, had food at a new restaurant and stayed up too late watching cake shows on TV.

I have had a front row, or maybe 3^rd row seat, to watch their relationship grow and flourish in ways that many haven’t. They even announced their engagement to the world a few days before my birthday, completely overshadowing that important event. And while I’m not always the best judge, I feel pretty safe in saying that what they have is pretty special.

The thing that impresses me most about it is not the grand gestures of love – the flying across the country for years to be with each other. It isn’t moving to California because the other one got a job there. Yeah, those things are important, but to me other things are more important. It is those little things that I have seen them do for each other every day that give me faith in their relationship.

It is Phil getting a cat and cleaning it’s litter box. If you know Phil, you know this might be the biggest gesture of love that he can show.

It is Helen buying Phil the fanciest and craziest candy apple I’ve ever seen when he couldn’t make it to the Jelly Belly factory.

It is Phil going to a demonstration of Chinese calligraphy so he can better write love notes to Helen in Chinese.

It is Helen opening up her apartment to Phil’s crazy brother when he wants to come visit four times a year.

It is Phil sitting around a dinner table with Helen’s family, patiently eating, not able to understand a word of what they are saying sometimes. And it is Helen, sitting around the dinner table with our family, smiling, as we have one of our… polite disagreements.

It is seeing them say yes and no, thank you and please, and you’re wrong and I’m sorry at all the right and all the wrong times.

I think that these are the things that make their love strong and lasting, and I’m glad they they have found people they can be and do those things with.

Now, I like to give advice, especially about things that I don’t know anything about. So since I have a captive audience, and feel like it is a least a little bit of my responsibility, I’d like to take this time to pass on a few words to Phil and Helen, and everyone here, about my thoughts on love and having a strong relationship. Please, take with a large grain of salt.

- If your partner wants to do something crazy, like roller skating, do it. Shared ridiculousness is the best way to strengthen bonds.

- When you are cooking dinner, season the food with the amount of salt and pepper they would like, not what you would like.

- Every once in a while, maybe let the other person (or his brother) win at board games or Dr. Mario, even though deep down you know you could trounce them.

- Seriously, no matter what is going on, when you look across at the other person, realize how lucky you are just to have them.

- And finally, for mom – I hear that St. Louis is a great place to raise babies.

So it is with a heart full of happiness and a little sadness that I wish them all the best, and give them both all of the love in my heart. They are two of my favorite people in the world, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life watching their love grow, and getting to share in a part of what they are going to give the world.

--Marimba

--Jeanne

Thank you, Jeanne. And now, for the moment that you have all been waiting for…

Do you, Helen, wish to take Phil as your husband, to enjoy and share your life with, to watch over and care for, to love and respect, for the rest of your life?

I do…

And do you, Phil, wish to take Helen as your wife, to listen to and laugh with, to look after and hold hands with, to love her deeply for the rest of your life?

I do…

Helen, please repeat after me: Phil, I’m looking forward to the excitement

and challenge of spending the rest of my life with you.

I’m so glad that we are part of each other’s lives.

You’ve helped me see things that I never would have without you.

With this ring, I thee wed. (put ring on Phil’s finger.)

Phil, please repeat after me: Helen, I love you with all of my heart.

I wake up every day excited to be with you,

and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life feeling that way.

I’m thankful to have you as a friend,

a partner,

and a confidant.

With this ring, I thee wed. (put ring on Helen’s finger.)

It is my pleasure and honor to present to you Philip and Helen Halley. Phil, you may kiss your bride.

(claps…)

Nod to Kelly.